“On wasting time – Time can waste as well as be wasted.” – Meditations From A Course In Miracles
I pride myself in being a very productive woman. However, when I reflect on my year long absence from the working world, I wonder if I haven’t been as productive as I could have been. It makes me think back to the goals that I had set out for myself last year at this time, and I am heartbroken to know that I have not accomplished what I had set out to do.
The first of November has come and gone. I started writing my book last year during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and I finished it earlier this year. It was 25,000 words short and needed some serious revisions. In the midst of editing I only worked through a third of the book and added about 3,000 words. Looking back, I feel that I might have wasted my time by not focusing on my book as much as I could have.
I agree that this is a difficult book for me to write. After all, it dives into the deepest, darkest times of my childhood. Where I have to relive terrible memories for the sake of telling a story in which I would rather run away as fast as I can instead of facing my fears head on and dealing with the emotions that seem to pour out during this process. I have been most content to leave it be.
Now, I am struck with another dilemma. Should I join NaNoWriMo this year and start a new novel or finish my current book once and for all? Some might say, “Why not do both?”
As fun as that would be, I find that I have been doing a lot for others lately. No complaints here since my good deeds are also benefiting me. Therefore, I have been really busy and magically landed on the creative roller coaster. I am exhilarated by the mounds of ideas that seem to pop up out of nowhere, and I can barely keep up with my pen!
Again, I’m not complaining. I am actually enjoying this. I came up with new ideas for my current blog as well as my new blog, and I am also writing web content for a forum. I just finished an article for the ThumbPrint News (which is to be published in December of this year); all in all, building up my credentials so that I can query for additional articles and books when I am ready for submissions.
So what does this have to do with today’s meditation?
Up until recently, I was wasting my time. I allowed each day to slip under my fingers and pass into history without a word written. Today, I am actively thinking about new ideas, writing more articles on my blogs, writing in journals, and doing all of this while babysitting my nephew and helping out a friend in her time of need.
Luckily, my husband has been distracted with his studies; otherwise we would be fighting about the lack of time we spend with each other. With the both of us preoccupied, we don’t realize how much we miss each other until we retire for bed; falling asleep in each other’s arms.
My book, though, is still hiding in the shadows. I wanted to have this book finished and ready for submission before I re-entered the workforce. As fate would have it, I am still unemployed. I was given the gift of time, and it wasn’t to be used to waste it. I wanted time to write and I have it.
So, instead of using November as a month to create a new novel, I will use it to add 25,000 more words to my book and finally finish the editing process. My hope is that come December I will be ready to create and submit my query letters. Then, it would just be a matter of time before my book would be published; time that I could use to write a new book.